Thursday, August 6, 2009
I have been frustrated in my attempts to pray on my own lately. I would sit there and have to fight to come up with the words to pray - and then they would sound so juvenile instead of the "pretty" prayers I'm used to "coming up with". I recently started journalling my prayers, and thought it would make it easier, but if anything it's now worse. I have no words of my own. Instead, the only thing that comes to my mind is Scripture, whether it's in prayerful worship or in intercession. I was writing out my frustrations to God this morning, and He quickly showed me that I am in a season of "being made silent". (Not sure why I put that in quotation marks, it just felt like it should be in quotes.) I have grown self-sufficient in how I pray. He wants me to get back to praying only Spirit-led, Scripture-fed prayers. (I mean, Hello! That's what Pastors Harry and Kevin have been leading us in for well over a year at my church, Shades Mountain Independent!) And sometimes, He doesn't want me saying anything - just being still and trusting that His Sovereignty and grace are sufficient. He sees my heart and knows what's in it - the worship, the gratitude, the requests, the concerns, the desires, and yes, even the sins and weaknesses, the deceptions I've bought into. He knows it much better than I ever will. I don't have to say anything. Sometimes, I just need to be quiet and get out of the way so His Spirit can do His work in me and through me.